"When people talk, listen completely. Most people don't listen." ~Ernest Hemingway
It's been a weird couple of days. I'm not sure if solemn is the right word for what I am feeling but it will do.
I have done a lot of listening this week that has put a lot on my mind.
This might be TMI but just now I got out of the shower, got a towel, stared at myself in the mirror and just listened. I had music going, but I couldn't tell you what song it was. I was listening but I wasn't there in my head. I just listened?
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. A happy day for most. See how I said most? Not all.
Today has been rough for one of my close friends and soon to be housemates. Today has been rough for my suite mate. Today has been rough for many of my other acquaintances.
They don't have this happiness in their hearts. They are just solemn.
They are mourning. I could never imagine that. And so I listen.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Present
It's been a few months, a few hiccups in the road, a few breakdowns, a few losses, a few pick-me-ups, and a few realizations.
I am present. I am here. I am alive
I am present on earth. I am here for a purpose. I am alive in promise.
People look at me, judge me, ignore me, talk to me. Everyday.
I am. I do. I see.
I am a child of God? I do what God has planned for me? I see where I am headed?
Is there ever a time that I am not present?
When I am shut away in my room. When I am shy. When I am irritable.
But I am still present in the world. I am here for attendance. I am here because I was put here.
I am present. I am here. I am alive
I am present on earth. I am here for a purpose. I am alive in promise.
People look at me, judge me, ignore me, talk to me. Everyday.
I am. I do. I see.
I am a child of God? I do what God has planned for me? I see where I am headed?
Is there ever a time that I am not present?
When I am shut away in my room. When I am shy. When I am irritable.
But I am still present in the world. I am here for attendance. I am here because I was put here.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
World Traveler
Well hello!
I have been absent I know. Sorry I am not sorry… because I was just in freaking Africa! Heck Yes.
Let me explain. During the month of January my school has what's called Interim (or J-Term for other schools). It basically consists of one class on campus or deciding to go abroad somewhere and travel. I obviously chose the later and was headed off to Liberia, in West Africa.
I don't have time right now to tell the whole story but I will explain the gist of what we did there.
For the first two weeks, I and 8 other students took a Social Work class at the college we were staying at. This implied that there would be Liberian students as well. Seeing as the professors we traveled with taught the class, it was pretty simple. The class focused on Community Development in communities around Monrovia (the capital). We did a group project in which we went out as small groups and interviewed leaders and member of those communities and assessed each community. As a part of the class, each group gave a presentation on what community they had been given to assess. Then an exam, and BOOM. Done with the class and first two weeks.
The class was in the morning. During many of the afternoons, we traveled to different social welfare social work type agencies or organizations to see what former students of the class created or just visited and see what international social work looks like. We went to a child welfare house (orphaned or children with unstable parents), an HIV/AIDs/Teen Pregnancy resource center, community gardens and farms, and schools.
The last week consisted of traveling to the center of the country and to the border of Liberia and Sierra Leone. We hiked to a waterfall and were 30 feet from Sierra Leone!
Hopefully I will have time to share some stories, but for now I AM BACK!
I have been absent I know. Sorry I am not sorry… because I was just in freaking Africa! Heck Yes.
Let me explain. During the month of January my school has what's called Interim (or J-Term for other schools). It basically consists of one class on campus or deciding to go abroad somewhere and travel. I obviously chose the later and was headed off to Liberia, in West Africa.
I don't have time right now to tell the whole story but I will explain the gist of what we did there.
For the first two weeks, I and 8 other students took a Social Work class at the college we were staying at. This implied that there would be Liberian students as well. Seeing as the professors we traveled with taught the class, it was pretty simple. The class focused on Community Development in communities around Monrovia (the capital). We did a group project in which we went out as small groups and interviewed leaders and member of those communities and assessed each community. As a part of the class, each group gave a presentation on what community they had been given to assess. Then an exam, and BOOM. Done with the class and first two weeks.
The class was in the morning. During many of the afternoons, we traveled to different social welfare social work type agencies or organizations to see what former students of the class created or just visited and see what international social work looks like. We went to a child welfare house (orphaned or children with unstable parents), an HIV/AIDs/Teen Pregnancy resource center, community gardens and farms, and schools.
The last week consisted of traveling to the center of the country and to the border of Liberia and Sierra Leone. We hiked to a waterfall and were 30 feet from Sierra Leone!
Hopefully I will have time to share some stories, but for now I AM BACK!
Friday, December 27, 2013
Everything is Coming to Fruition...
After the Christmas season (which was wonderful btw.), I am now counting down the days until I get on a flight to Atlanta, and then a 12-hour flight to Liberia. I am oddly calm about the whole thing and it is sort of scaring me. The last time I went out of the country it was the summer after my junior year of high school and I went to the Dominican Republic (I may have written post back when this blog was in ruins haha). It has been quite awhile since then, but I am calm. I am sure I will not be on January 4 when I leave for 3 weeks in a place that is brand new to me. Of course I will not be alone in this endeavor as one of my close friends, Tiffany, will be joining me. I am excited for the experience and who knows, maybe International Social Work is something that God puts on my heart.
Enough about me and more about another close friend Meg. I am off to a visitation for her mom. She passed away on Christmas Eve. I cannot begin to explain what a surprise it was. She had only just gotten sick at the time of Thanksgiving, and now she is gone. Although I did not get to meet her myself, Meg is a wonderful girl and I can tell how much influence she had in Meg's life (Meg, if you are reading this, please know that I will always be here for you and you have and will always be in my heart forever dear). This situation strikes me as interesting. No one wants to lose someone on Christmas Eve, or for that matter, ever. Meg is someone who I look up to. She is strong and courageous and unbelievably smart. She is open and honest and shares what she is thinking. I have seen her flourish. Why is she not rewarded for that? Instead, her mother is taken away? I don't really get it. Sure people will say "Oh it was God's plan and He needs her in Heaven", but it doesn't make sense. This leaves strong people alone, with no help on earth God is taking away someone that is in someone else's plan. God's plan for Meg is in need of people to surround her with support. Her mother had to have been a part of that. For me, I would want to know why that is and why it plays out that way…
There is peace surrounding the family and peace in the seasonal air because she got to see Jesus on Christmas day. How amazing would that be!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
12:10 AM
It's 12:10 am. Everyone is sleeping except for me, per usual. I don't really know what I am going to say but I guess I should write something….
Life is just going. Exams are done, school is done for a while, I leave for Liberia in 15 days, I have a lot to do, I am just living. No stress, no regrets or ragrets, if you've seen We're the Millers :)
I guess I have a few things to get off of my heart:
I always talk about this but my life has changed so much since the horrible summer. There are people no longer in my life that pulled me down. I don't see them or really talk to them anymore. But I still think about them. I'm not sure if that is a good thing. I think about how they hurt me, how they are not what I want to become; greedy, self-centered, not thoughtful people. I know it is wrong to think about it that way, but I didn't used to think like that when I was with them. I think they need prayer. They are not what the can live up to be. They struggle just like me. And so I will offer up one last prayer for them. Prayer that they might realize their potential, prayer that they won't be so negative, prayer that they get on the right track.
I know now that I was finding myself when I was with them. I DID NOT change for them. They had no influence in the choices I made with them. They were simply the means to make the choices happened. I don't what to admit it, but I used them. And I was the one hurt. That part is my fault for not knowing earlier. The other part was them.
And so it is that my heart hurts. It hurts because of what happened, it hurts for them, it hurts for anyone in my situation. And so it is that my heart will still hurt for quite a long time.
On a lighter note, I have a place to live next year and 3 lovely girls of which I share most of my life with. I don't have to find myself because they accept me for whoever I am. Whatever I am like. They accept me AS ME.
Maybe God is actually looking out for me.
Life is just going. Exams are done, school is done for a while, I leave for Liberia in 15 days, I have a lot to do, I am just living. No stress, no regrets or ragrets, if you've seen We're the Millers :)
I guess I have a few things to get off of my heart:
I always talk about this but my life has changed so much since the horrible summer. There are people no longer in my life that pulled me down. I don't see them or really talk to them anymore. But I still think about them. I'm not sure if that is a good thing. I think about how they hurt me, how they are not what I want to become; greedy, self-centered, not thoughtful people. I know it is wrong to think about it that way, but I didn't used to think like that when I was with them. I think they need prayer. They are not what the can live up to be. They struggle just like me. And so I will offer up one last prayer for them. Prayer that they might realize their potential, prayer that they won't be so negative, prayer that they get on the right track.
I know now that I was finding myself when I was with them. I DID NOT change for them. They had no influence in the choices I made with them. They were simply the means to make the choices happened. I don't what to admit it, but I used them. And I was the one hurt. That part is my fault for not knowing earlier. The other part was them.
And so it is that my heart hurts. It hurts because of what happened, it hurts for them, it hurts for anyone in my situation. And so it is that my heart will still hurt for quite a long time.
On a lighter note, I have a place to live next year and 3 lovely girls of which I share most of my life with. I don't have to find myself because they accept me for whoever I am. Whatever I am like. They accept me AS ME.
Maybe God is actually looking out for me.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
It Has Arrived...
It is that time of the year. Semesters are ending and finals are just beginning. This year I have 5 finals. COUNT THEM! 5! What sort of crazy institution am I in. College. That's what. Every semester I get surprised by them and I don't think I will ever be ready.
It's not the actual finals that get me stressed, it's that I have no motivation to study beforehand. I don't like school and so I never want to study. Sometimes I wish I could just go in without studying and see how I do. ( I know for a fact I would fail, but the temptation is high). I hate being unprepared, which is my downfall.
So this finals week (and a half) I hope to relax. It is hard to do so when 5 3-hour long finals stand in my way of Chirstmas and…..
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU! I AM GOING TO AFRICA!
Liberia to be exact. The three full weeks of January I will be going to Monrovia, Liberia. The capital city and home to two thirds of the population. I will be taking a Social Work class with Liberian social work students and 7 other Calvin students, taught by two Calvin professors. I can not wait to see what God is doing in my life and the life of many Liberian people. I will hopefully post more when I am there and afterwards!
So I have my motivation. Africa.
It's not the actual finals that get me stressed, it's that I have no motivation to study beforehand. I don't like school and so I never want to study. Sometimes I wish I could just go in without studying and see how I do. ( I know for a fact I would fail, but the temptation is high). I hate being unprepared, which is my downfall.
So this finals week (and a half) I hope to relax. It is hard to do so when 5 3-hour long finals stand in my way of Chirstmas and…..
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU! I AM GOING TO AFRICA!
Liberia to be exact. The three full weeks of January I will be going to Monrovia, Liberia. The capital city and home to two thirds of the population. I will be taking a Social Work class with Liberian social work students and 7 other Calvin students, taught by two Calvin professors. I can not wait to see what God is doing in my life and the life of many Liberian people. I will hopefully post more when I am there and afterwards!
So I have my motivation. Africa.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
That Time of the Year...
(Warning: this is totally a stupid, short, low self-image post)
Usually I have ok skin. I never really get pimples or breakout. EXCEPT WHEN I AM STRESSED!
It is one of the most annoying thing. Ever.
When I get stressed I get one pimple. In the middle of my forehead. It is so awkward. I pop it and it just comes back. Even bigger. I really should just get over it because it happens to everyone. It is such a natural thing to go through.
I think what gets me is that I notice it. All the time. I constantly think about it. It is alway in my mind.
I worry. I am a worrier. I am a warrior.
“...for once, you believed in yourself. you believed you were beautiful and so did the rest of the world.”
Sarah Dessen- Keeping the Moon
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