I’ve always been one for getting excited about things. Maybe
too much sometimes. If they don’t end up happening I get really hurt or
disappointed because I built up in my mind how I thought something would be.
Expectations are not always reality and I forget that. I sometimes wonder what
it would be like if didn’t “hype things up” in my mind and just go with
whatever happens. I think it would help with the whole trust issues (of which I
have plenty). It’s hard to understand and it stupid as none other but I worry.
I worry that my friends talk to each other and not me, plan things without me,
or just plan take advantage of me. Its obviously from my high school years,
which sucks because I don’ t want to be like this. I didn’t choose to be like
this. I just am.
I still haven’t heard back from Boston. It’s gotten to the
point of just being frustrating now. So with what is coming up (possible trip
to Toronto with my sister, looking for volunteering positions) I vow to not
build it up to something it might not be, because lately things have not been
what I expected. It’s somewhat morbid but I think it has to be done.
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